Hello all. Again, I am falling behind. It’s been difficult for me to keep up on my blog with so much that’s been going on. But I am back for the moment.
This past weekend I went back to Wyoming and stayed with my grandparent’s for a night. It was nice to get out of these for walls with my kids and away from my husband. Gave me some time to think, even if it was only for a little while.
With each passing day, it does become easier to accept the “d” word. I will admit, it is still extremely hard and I still don’t want it to happen. I don’t think it needs to still. But I am understanding my husband’s choice and trying to accept that it is what it is. I can’t stop it now. Well, I may have been able to think of something, but I don’t know if it will be enough.
You see, after a lot of thought and time, I truly think what he wants is time. Or some freedom or whatever. Last night we got into a pretty good argument. No yelling or screaming, but he felt he needed to get some things out. I listened, I cried, I felt attacked. But I could see that it made him feel better to let out what he needed to let out.
I came up with a proposal last night. Something we haven’t truly tried. I suggested a legal separation. He wouldn’t be financially responsible for me anymore, (only our youngest) and there would be no moral objection to him seeing other people. That way, he’d get his chance to spread his wings a little, not paying my way, and as much time as he needed to figure things out without a true divorce. I wouldn’t see anyone (I don’t want to anyway) and I would have to learn to walk on my own two feet.
He’s considering it. I know that this would help him in so many ways. That way it could “balance” everything out. I don’t know if he’ll accept it, but maybe he will.
We’d have time to figure out who we are, what we truly want, and how to get there. But without the final “d”. I still think we are worth saving. And maybe some honest to God time away from each other is what we need to realize it. Hopefully he’ll agree and things go well, but if it doesn’t, then we just go through what we were going to do anyway.
Some people think it’s stupid, I don’t know if it is. Maybe so. I know my family is going to freak about it, I am pretty sure. But first and foremost, he’ll have to decide if it’s something that he wants to do.
365 Days to Truth 
you know your family is always there for you. No one but you can decide what is right for you. It really isn’t anyone else’s decision. Hope both of you find the way.